I've had lots of strange and humorous game sessions over many years as a DM. This is one of them...
One time I ran a adventure (2nd Edition AD&D) in which my friend played a Thief named "Giggly".
Player/Giggly decides to go on a night time excursion to a local Manor hoping to rob the lord and lady of the Manor of their prized possessions.
He perpetrates this late night home invasion by himself without the other members of the party.
Giggly scales the wall of the manor using rope and grappling hook, entering the second floor window.
Everything is going well for Giggly at first.
Giggly finds ornate candle sticks, silver ware and valuable curio's as he quietly creeps through the sitting room into the Lords den.
On the desk in the den he finds a gem encrusted signet ring and easily spots a 5 foot tall mirror, framed in gold, on one wall of the den.
Giggly discovers one drawer of the desk is locked and like most Players running a Thief, my friend tells me "Giggly checks for traps".
He is relieved to find no traps but he still has to Pick Locks. And he is successful.
Inside the desk drawer Giggly finds a small, silver tray with a lid and discovers a sparkly, metallic, powder on the tray when he lifts the lid.
This is where things get fucked up...
>Giggly: I'm going to make a line of the sparkly powder on the desk and snort it.
>Me: Your gonna snort w-what?!
>Giggly: Yah..Giggly snorts some of the powder..So..What happens?
>Me: UuuHH..Ok..Giggly snorts some of the powder after you make a line of it on the desk.
My friend thinks that Giggly had snorted some fancy, "Snuff Tabacco". But he actually snorted about a half-ounce of "The Dust of Disappearance".
At this point I'm having a complete, fucking, "Brain Fart" because I don't know of any rules that handle this sort of situation. So I just improvise.
Meanwhile I'm doing my best to try and not laugh my ass off.
>Giggly: Soooo...What Happens?
>Me: Giggly feels some strange discomfort in his abdomen which quickly becomes painful. Make a Save vs. Paralyze/Poison.
>Giggly: Paralyze/Poison!!..Fuck... (Giggly fails his save)
>Me: Now the pain in your gut feels like you swallowed razor blades and they are churning in your intestines. Due to the intense, gastro-intestinal, hell Giggly is experiencing he takes a big, diarrhoea, dump in his pants!
>Giggly: My character shits himself!
>Me: Yes. Long, nasty, Shit-squirts, shoot out your ass and down your legs onto the rug your standing on..But...You notice wet marks in the rug fibers but you can't see the shit on the rug!
>Giggly: WTF!..I can't see it...INVISIBLE SHITs! WOO HOO! AHHAHAHAHA!
My friends amusement because of his PC's "Invisible Shits" is short-lived when I tell him that any abrupt movements that cause his character strain will also make him Squirt shit. I tell him that he can't move very fast, only limp along, from the pain he's in.
>Giggly: I go to the gold framed mirror and unmount it from the wall.
>Me: Its heavy and awkward but you pull it off the wall...Shit Quirt!
>Giggly: I put it on the rug and drag it using the rug so it will be less noisy as I drag it to the window.
>Me: Ok..You get the large mirror off the wall and lay it on the rug, and proceed to drag it across the floor to the window...Shit-Squirt, Shit-Quirt, Shit-Squirt!
>Giggly: I push it out the window and then climb out to repel down my rope.
>Me: Ok..The Mirror crashs to the ground below and now roll your Climb Walls to see if you can make it down your rope..Your in extreme pain so you have -20% to your roll.
>Giggly: FuuuuccccK!..(Fails his Climb Walls roll)
>Me: Giggly falls from the second story window into the bushs below..Shit-Squirt!
Afterwards we couldn't stop cracking jokes for the rest of the night and started refering to my friends character as "Shits and Giggly".
I suppose there were other possible ways I could have handled this. But it was how I let it play out at the time.
We were kinda drunk by that time of the game session. Which is why my imagination went off the rails.
>Have there been ridiculous situations in your game sessions involving very unexpected uses for magic items?
>Or other situations not involving Magic items that made your game night outrageous?