>as you wrap one arm around her thin waist and draw her closer, suckle her upper lip, then prod her with your tongue.
You have a conjunction between the first two items of this list.
>You feel her relax, open up, so you eagerly take it
Take what? Usually these are at least a bit rhetorical, but I don't even know what you mean here.
>you as you step outside.
Snakes can't step.
> Perhaps even more than just than.
>as your voiced request to Marielle for helping you out
"For helping you out" definitely doesn't link up with "request" in the way you want here.
>and so, her next words come as hardly a surprise.
>You shudder when she lightly touches your withers.
How well do you think this works for non-horse taurs? I'll leave it up to your judgement, but it should be considered.
Koraeli gave you that gift months ago, and this is how you show your gratitude. Just disgraceful.
>the darkness amplifying the sensations of her wandering fingers slowly but surely approaching your nethers
You'd generally go with the singular "sensation" there.
>closing in to mere inches [if has tail:(from the base of your [tail]) else:(away)].
It would be "closing in on," but that doesn't work well with either "mere inches" (you close in on final destinations, so it doesn't make sense for her to close in on some indeterminate point somewhere near something else), and "away" would need something more.
>They feel lovely, satisfyingly thorough, and your mind strays to wonder just how much more pleasure they could bring you.
I'm glad that we had that talk about lists so that I don't need to explain the problem again here.
>cautious taps that indicate you to movPost too long. Click here to view the full text.